Infertility, Envy and Anxiety: The Mental Health Side No One Talks About

Trying to conceive can affect far more than your reproductive health. Infertility, IVF and pregnancy can bring anxiety, grief, jealousy, isolation and emotions that can be difficult to admit, particularly when it feels like everyone around you is getting pregnant. In this episode of Knocked Up, fertility specialist Dr Raelia Lew is joined by perinatal and reproductive psychiatrists Dr Edna Lekgabe and Dr Hannah Dobson, founders of the WARM Health Collective, for an honest conversation about fertility and mental health. They explore why infertility can make pregnancy announcements, baby showers and even conversations with friends feel unexpectedly painful, and why experiencing envy or anger doesn't mean you aren't also genuinely happy for someone else. Dr Lekgabe and Dr Dobson explain the importance of creating a safe place to process those emotions rather than feeling ashamed of them. The conversation also looks beyond conception to matrescence, the enormous psychological, hormonal, physical and identity transition involved in becoming a mother. Just as adolescence changes how we see ourselves and the world, becoming a parent can involve a profound shift in identity that isn't always acknowledged or understood. Dr Raelia, Edna and Hannah discuss mental health medication before and during pregnancy, intrusive thoughts, anxiety and depression, previous eating disorders, the pressure to "bounce back", becoming a parent later in life and how partners, friends and family can recognise when somebody may need additional support. They also explain why preconception mental health planning can be valuable for people beginning fertility treatment or planning a pregnancy, including understanding your personal mental health history, identifying support networks and building your "village" before you need it. In this episode • The emotional impact of infertility and IVF • Coping when friends become pregnant before you • Jealousy, envy and grief during fertility treatment • Why it's possible to feel happy for someone else while grieving for yourself • What matrescence means and why becoming a mother changes your identity • Pregnancy anxiety, depression and intrusive thoughts • Mental health medication and pregnancy • ADHD medication when trying to conceive • Pregnancy after a history of an eating disorder • Mental health warning signs partners should recognise • The pressure on modern mothers to "bounce back" • Mental health for single mothers by choice • Building your support network before pregnancy • When difficult emotions may be part of normal adjustment and when professional support may help Dr Edna Lekgabe is a Founder and Clinical Director of WARM Health Collective and a perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist. Her work includes fertility challenges, pregnancy, birth, reproductive loss, trauma and the transition into parenthood. WARM also notes her experience supporting patients with fears, stress and anxiety relating to fertility treatment. Dr Hannah Dobson is a Founder and Clinical Director of WARM Health Collective and a perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist. She works with women experiencing anxiety, low mood, intrusive thoughts, loss, birth-related distress and the emotional transition into parenthood. The Women's and Reproductive Mental Health Collective (WARM) is a psychiatrist-led multidisciplinary mental health service supporting reproductive, perinatal and broader mental health. Its team includes psychiatry, psychology, mental health nursing and other support services. About Dr Raelia Lew Dr Raelia Lew is a CREI-certified fertility specialist, gynaecologist, host of Knocked Up and Medical Director of both Women's Health Melbourne and Melbourne IVF. Her clinical areas include IVF, egg freezing, PCOS, reproductive genetics, recurrent miscarriage, donor conception and fertility preservation. Knocked Up Producer: Jess Clark