The Famous Goodyear Grip: ITV (Yorkshire) adverts, 18th July 1985

Tracking back for a second because it turns out there was another ad break in Airport 80 and I am very smart. Starting with one of those things that used to be commonplace but now would probably needs to be explained to Gen Alphas at the very least: mail-order photo developing. We didn't always have the capacity to just snap away and have our images immediately ready on a magic rectangle. We used to burn them onto rolls of nitrate film, 30 at a time, with no chance of seeing the results until it was used up, and then we had to take them to Boots for developing. Or alternatively send them off in an envelope to Truprint and wait a fortnight for them to return in the form of a bulging green wallet. We got free film that way, though. Anyway, this isn't Truprint, this is Photo Plus, who are doing the free film gambit the other way around: buy the film and it comes with the envelope to send it away in. And now, some highly mid-eighties animation, and even more mid-eighties synth arpeggios. Bit of rotoscoping, lots of wide open colour space, few to no outlines, and a bear. New system! What's new about it? Your mother! Arrakis. Dune. Desert planet. Gin! Gin with lemon and grapefruit - the fruit they desperately wanted to make happen in the mid eighties but it's an acquired taste and that's that. Despite the desert imagery - a combination of stock footage and a sandpit in front of a sky-blue flat - it's called Kontiki, as in the raft built by Thor Heyerdahl to prove a point, which he named after an Inca God, or what he reckoned was the name of an Inca God. Either way, nothing to do with tropical deserts, but it sounds vaguely exotic, and to be honest the manufacturers (who are Dutch) were probably right to assume the general public's ignorance and apathy. Alternatively, cider. So delicious medieval peasants come back from the dead to drink it. Dry Blackthorn Cider. From Taunton! I don't know if there's parts of the country where Taunton is impressive; Cornwall isn't one. Quite how ghosts work in this advert I'm not sure. Actually I am: however it needs them to work. Dry Blackthorn did become quite big in the early nineties when they hit upon the "Dry Blackthorn Day" campaign. Still around today, although the word "Dry" isn't. Taunton! And now, tyres. For some reason introduced with what appears to be a closeup of Roger Ebert looking at some diagrams. These diagrams then swirl about the place looking impressive (well, they were in 1985) while Tony Jay gravely explains their import. They prove that Goodyear Tyres are great. Look at them splash through puddles without screaming. And they asked the experienced driver Sir Harry Secombe for an endorsement, for reasons beyond the realm of normal human understanding. What, was Cliff Michelmore unavailable? Always nice to see Harry, though, and he gamely provides some usable copy. I am convinced they're a major contribution to needle nardle noo. A SUPERSTORE IS BORN. Joss Ackland rejoices in a brand new branch of Hillards, the Northern supermarket chain, in Scunthorpe. Despite the impressive music, and Ackland insisting that this is very exciting, it's a noticeably cheap advert - a line drawing of a stork carrying a bunch of carrier bags (admittedly a decent visual gag) listlessly flapping from one side of the screen to the other. This should probably be taken as a clue, because two years later Tesco marches up, punches them in the face and steals their lunch money (ie buys them out and overwrites the entire brand). Next, a shit film. For reasons completely beyond comprehension, Police Academy made cash money, so inevitably here's a sequel. It also made cash money, albeit not as much, so they kept going despite becoming so bad even Steve Guttenberg peaced out eventually. Here's a music album record. Paul Young was the future of British pop for a good few minutes in 1983, and here's his difficult second album, except it wasn't that difficult because it had Everytime You Go Away, his biggest international hit. Again, it was the covers that did the best business, but there are some interesting choices on this one - a Tom Waits song and a Billy Bragg song right next to Hall and Oates and the Sutherland Brothers (and/or Quiver). It was his second consecutive number one album. The following year he tried to go serious with no covers at all and kind of lost his momentum. Finally, a brief promo for Lightwater Valley, with some bespoke Madness and a train smashing through a wall - which is quite alarming, really, for a theme park, but it's a good time. They haven't built the Rat yet, mind.