Stop Adopting Monsters | A Dwarf Cleric's Tavern Protest (Lyrics Video)

#DnDMusic #TavernMusic #DrinkingSong Somebody has to be the responsible one, and in this party it's the dwarf cleric — the one who keeps saying no while a goblin child and an owlbear cub climb into her lap anyway. This rowdy medieval tavern song turns her losing argument into a call-and-response chant, the whole party shouting back every time she tries to put her foot down. A comic D&D bard song for the one adventurer at the table who protests loudest about the strays and somehow ends up feeding all of them. 🍺 The Bard speaks... "She held up the holy symbol and said absolutely not. The goblin was already doing the ledger. The owlbear was already guarding the horses. Some arguments you lose before you finish making them." — Songs of a Bard 🎲 The Bard's Wares Gear I'd stake my lute on, traveler: ◦ ⚔️ The greatest D&D adventure on screen → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DBRB73GD?... ◦ 🐉 Your first adventure starts here → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09V84WNPK?... ◦ 🎲 Dice that roll like destiny → https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F817H27?... ◦ 📖 The adventurer's tome → https://www.amazon.com/dp/0786969822?... As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📜 LYRICS ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ No! Absolutely not! Put it back! It started with a goblin that we all agreed to spare, then an owlbear in a crate with a ribbon in its hair. I said, "One. We're keeping one," and they promised me they'd care — now there's something in my satchel and I daren't look in there. Stop adopting monsters! — (We're keeping him!) I sign for every bed and bowl and limb — Stop adopting monsters! — (Too late. We named him Tim.) The barbarian found a wyvern with a thorn in its foot. The rogue brought home a thing that is technically a door. The paladin has sworn to raise a slime as his own, and the wizard says the tentacles were curious, not war. Stop adopting monsters! — (We're keeping him!) I sign for every bed and bowl and limb — Stop adopting monsters! — (Too late. We named him Tim.) I hold the holy symbol of a god of light and law who has never once responded when I write to him at night: "Dear lord of dawn, we have a seventh kind of jaw. It sleeps beside the cleric. It is fine. I think it's fine." And I said it at the tavern and I said it at the gate and I said it to the guildhall while they laughed into their beer — we are not a travelling menagerie of misfits. ...We are eleven now. And four of us were here. The goblin does the ledger and she does it rather well. The owlbear guards the horses and the horses seem all right. The slime has learned my name, or close enough, and it glows a bit brighter when I check on it at night. So fine. Bring the next one. Bring the small, bring the strange. I will bless it, I will bathe it, I will write it in the book. But I'm putting this on record for whatever gods remain: I said stop. You never listened. You never even looked. Stop adopting monsters! — (We're keeping him!) I sign for every bed and bowl and limb — Stop adopting monsters! — (Too late. We named him Tim.) Stop adopting monsters! — (We already did.) Stop adopting monsters! — (He's under the lid.) Set another plate out, pull another chair — Stop adopting monsters! ...Fine. Who's feeding the bear? ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ Songs of a Bard is a fireside corner of the fantasy world. I'm a traveling bard — I trade songs for stories in every tavern I pass, and turn the tales adventurers leave behind into songs. 🎵 Continue the Adventure ▶️ Tavern Anthems & Drinking Songs 🍺    • Tavern Anthems & Drinking Songs 🍺 | Songs ...   ▶️ Bard Ballads & Slow Songs 🕯️    • Bard Ballads & Slow Songs 🕯️ | Songs of a ...   ⚔️ A Question for the Party • "Too late. We named him Tim." — which monster in your party got adopted against all reason? Tell us in the comments! • Who's the one in your party who always says no and always loses? Tell us the story. 🔔 Subscribe for new D&D bard songs!    / @songsofabard-n6w   ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⚖️ Usage & Attribution Music generated with AI assistance (Suno V5). Lyrics & creative direction: Songs of a Bard. All lyrics, story concepts, and creative direction are written by a human creator. Free to use for personal D&D sessions and non-commercial streams with credit. For commercial use, please contact us. #DnDMusic #TavernMusic #BardSong #FantasyMusic #SongsofaBard #MedievalMusic #CelticMusic #RPGMusic #TTRPGMusic #FolkMusic #DrinkingSong #FantasyFolk #GamingMusic