Why You Say 'Sure' When You Mean No

Why do you say sure when you mean no? A friend texts, you're tired, and your thumbs type "Sure, sounds fun!" before you've even decided. Saying yes when you want to say no isn't weakness. A no feels like a small betrayal because your brain guesses what it will cost you, and it guesses too high. The research shows that people expect far more anger and hurt than the other person actually feels. In this episode of Lina Unpacks, we look at the psychology of saying yes when you mean no: three reasons a no feels so expensive, what the research says about each one, and a simple method, Pause, True, Offer, to answer next time. 00:00 Some of the worst evenings started with "sure" 01:01 The price of the yes nobody quotes you 01:53 1. The reaction you imagine 04:23 2. The second no 04:59 3. The pressure of the ask 05:41 The method: Pause. True. Offer. 07:52 When they ask again 08:50 The two-number experiment 10:12 Back to the Tuesday text 📄 RESEARCH REFERENCED IN THIS VIDEO: Givi, J., & Kirk, C. P. (2024). Saying no: The negative ramifications from invitation declines are less severe than we think. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 126(6), 1103-1115. Newark, D. A., Flynn, F. J., & Bohns, V. K. (2014). Once bitten, twice shy: The effect of a past refusal on expectations of future compliance. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 218-225. Flynn, F. J., & Lake, V. K. B. (2008). If you need help, just ask: Underestimating compliance with direct requests for help. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95(1), 128-143. Levine, E. E., & Cohen, T. R. (2018). You can handle the truth: Mispredicting the consequences of honest communication. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 147(9), 1400-1429. ⚠️ DISCLAIMER: This video is created for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to replace professional psychological, medical, or therapeutic advice. Psychological research is discussed for general education and should not be interpreted as individual diagnosis or treatment guidance. Written and produced by Lina Unpacks. If you'd rather understand your brain than yell at it, subscribe to Lina Unpacks. #peoplepleasing #psychology #boundaries