Trying To Be Better (Seriously!)

Lately I'm trying to be better I've been playing video games Way less than i already was Which was near not at all i'm going outside More every day as a requirement Even if i don't feel like it And i'm trying so hard to think differently About everything Despite all of that somehow I still feel like i've got no idea What the hell it is i'm doing Or what i'm going to do in due time This life i'm living While filled with the many blessings Of living in a first world country And waking up with a roof over my head Is killing my soul in every aspect Believe me I'm genuinely trying to stop being so negative Or pessimistic about every single thing in life And change the way i look at everything This shit is just not working Every day I'm stressing over the same dumb stuff endlessly Looping over and over again work money Living situation lack of friends lack of companions Relationships insecurities Anything at all i'm always thinking about it One thing i thought was silly the other day Is how i can be here in new york city Surrounded by people all day Every day anywhere you go or look And never be by myself But i'll still manage to be alone That was some fake deep sentence But honestly that shit is true man for real At this point i sometimes wonder If my life really will ever be anything other than Wake up go to work go home go to sleep and repeat In my own free time or days off I don't even know what to do anymore I've become completely stagnant And just exist simply doing nothing Rot maxing to oblivion It's not like i even play a game or anything I just watch that clock turn and turn Until it's time to go back to work again That's all life is Surely we're meant to have moments in between Where we hang out with people we are cool with Third spaces or whatever i do not do such things Not on anything resembling a normal basis that is And certainly not with many When i tell you i don't know what i'm doing anymore I genuinely don't My internal wiring is being rerouted To make me into the perfect 9 to 5 for life worker Who will never make it anywhere achieve anything Or have anything to show at the end of it all shit If i wanted to enjoy a hobby like play a game I can't even think of one to launch up There wasn't even gameplay in this video here at first Instead the video was me riding my e bike Around as the background video Joy from everything about life Is sucked all the way out of me by now The best thing about life right now Is that a new spider man movie dropped and it was sick Other than that put the fucking Fries in the bag brother this shit ain't it I'm marking This video as an attempted turning point for me I've already been trying to be better but I'll be trying extra hard from now on I've got to do everything i wanna do when i can do it And i shouldn't feel like i'm wasting my time Or taking a lot out of myself I'll get back to making these damn videos And talking my inner monologues truth at your expense I'll get back into actually streaming like i used to But consistently this time And i'll keep up with other hobbies of mine Like writing If i don't actively push myself to do something My life will consist Of nothing else but working and staring at a damn wall In between those shifts might even get worse If i pick up a second job to do back to back work With the way america is looking right now The economy new york city shit I might need three jobs if i want to make it out here That's just life right now man There ain't no other way to go about it Other than through the thick of it All the way to the end All this shit really isn't for me And i'm past the point of beyond drained of soul But like i've been saying I'm genuinely trying to be better I hope all of you have been doing well man Better than me at least May each of you get rich And find the loves of your lives then live in peace Amen haha for real though to end it off I've got another video plan in the works Called i quit my dream job If you've listened to any of my videos up until now You've likely heard me complain about the minimum Wage ass job i've been working the last year And i finally quit it Will be detailing why in that video Disclaimer now though i am not unemployed Uour boy had a job before he even quit anywho I think that's all i need to get out of my system today This honestly felt real good for once I'll definitely be back again soon Thank you for watching take care