The Princess Doesn't need Saving

[Intro] The King called the mercenaries in, With a worried face and a royal grin. "My daughter has been taken away! Dark mages stole her in the dead of night! Find her, warriors, bring her back!" The Bard looked around. The Barbarian cracked his knuckles. The Assassin sighed. The Cleric asked: "Does the reward include dinner?" The King nodded. "We're in." --- [Verse 1] Through haunted woods and ruined towers, They searched for days and searched for hours. They found dark robes, a broken chain, A wizard's hat and a smoking lane. The High Mage studied the magical trace, The Elf found footprints with elegant grace. "She was dragged this way!" "No," said the Assassin. "These tracks are hers." The Bard looked down. Dragon footprints. "Well... that's new." --- [Pre-Chorus] The trail went east, then south, then west, Then straight toward a town they guessed. Music, laughter, tavern light, Someone was singing late at night. The mercenaries entered the nearest inn... And heard a familiar voice within. --- [Chorus] The princess doesn't need saving! She's already causing a scene! With a dragon at her side, And a tavern full of screams! The King said, "Bring her home!" She said, "I'd rather roam!" The dark mages took her... She escaped with the dragon! And now they're both getting drunk! --- [Verse 2] There she sat upon a table, Her crown abandoned near the stable. A sword was hanging by her side, Her dragon lounging close beside. She'd mastered the art of self-defense, And demonstrated it with confidence. One thug tried to grab her arm— She flipped him over! No cause for alarm. The dragon gave a lazy roar, And knocked three chairs across the floor. The tavern guests stared in shock: "WHY IS THERE A DRAGON AT THE BAR?!" The bartender shrugged. "He's been here since noon." --- [Verse 3] Two fools recognized her face: "That's the princess! We've found the place!" They planned a ransom, dreaming of gold, Approached the table brave and bold. The princess slowly turned around. The dragon lifted up his head. They suddenly wished they'd stayed in bed. She cracked her knuckles. "You picked the wrong table." The dragon breathed a flash of flame. The would-be kidnappers fled in shame. --- [Chorus] The princess doesn't need saving! She's perfectly fine on her own! With a dragon for a companion, She'll never travel alone! The King said, "Bring her back!" She said, "Father, that's a terrible plan!" The dark mages kidnapped her... She escaped before they could! And now she's partying again! --- [Bridge] Suddenly— THE DOORS BURST OPEN! The mercenaries stumble through the door. The Bard trips over a chair, The Barbarian crashes through a table, The Assassin vanishes beneath the bar, The Elf lands neatly on a chandelier. The Cleric looks at the dragon. "I have several questions." The princess grins. "Are you here to rescue me?" The Bard answers: "Apparently." "From what?" Silence. Nobody has an answer. --- [Verse 4] Then dark mages storm inside. "Release our prisoner!" they cry. The princess raises one brow. "Prisoner?" The High Mage steps ahead: "You did kidnap her." The dark mage hesitates. "Yes, but—" The Barbarian interrupts: "You kidnapped the wrong princess." Chaos erupts. Mugs fly high, Tables spin round, The Bard keeps playing through the sound. The Elf vaults across the bar, The Assassin appears behind the door. The Cleric shouts: "Everyone remain calm!" Nobody does. --- [Fire & Chaos] The princess draws her sword, The dragon rises from the floor. She points toward the troublemakers. The dragon gives a mighty roar. A burst of flame lights up the night, The attackers scatter left and right. The princess laughs, The dragon follows. Someone in the crowd shouts: "Another round!" --- [Final Chorus] The princess doesn't need saving! She's the danger in the room! With a dragon by her side, There is absolutely no room! The King can keep his throne! She'll decide where she calls home! The mercenaries came to save her... But somehow joined the chaos! HEY! Raise the mugs! Clear the floor! The dragon's sleeping by the door! The Bard is playing, The Elf is dancing, The Barbarian keeps advancing! The Assassin vanished without a sound! The Alchemist set something on fire! The Cleric is trying to restore order! And the princess is laughing! --- [Outro] At sunrise, the tavern still stood... Mostly. The princess looked outside. "So... where are we going next?" The dragon wagged his tail. The Bard lifted his lute. The Barbarian grabbed his pack. The Assassin was already gone. The Alchemist checked his potions. The Cleric sighed. And somewhere in the royal palace... The King was still waiting. She had never needed rescuing. She just needed a better adventure.