Making Friends Is Impossible

As an introvert, I find myself wondering just what it is that's stopping me from finding friends, something I have always struggled with. Recently, I've come to realize the main factor as to why I have such trouble, and the answer would be none other than myself. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to a social life. Maybe some of you can relate to what I'm about to say. There's a fearful avoidance in me when it comes to knowing someone and letting them know me. I'm detached from forming a deep bond with another - Like the idea of it causes me to flinch in hesitation, and fear. Each time in the past, I've had one or two people to call a true friend its never managed to last. All the opening up and conversation, it ends up being for nothing, and maybe that is simply my fault. Maybe I'm too much. Maybe I'm too little. I can care beyond compare, and I can not care equally as much. I find that I pull away from acquaintances or people who show interest in wanting to become friends, and it's from what I understand, me wanting to end that bond first and on my terms, before we inevitably drift apart, as all of my friends and I do. I'd say it's been this way for me for nearly a decade now - and I've grown into the person I am now mainly through isolation. It is clear to me that my isolation has damaged my ability to socialize even further than it had been years prior. I've become more of a quiet recluse, never really speaking unless spoken to, and there's nobody I go out of my way to reach. I suppose it is my fate to have evolved into this almost shut-in ghost of a person, only meant to know people briefly in one-off instances. Don't find romance in the idea of living this way; there isn't any kind of glory in it. When you are the only person you can consult about your life at all times, there is a part of you that breaks; it remains unclear if it can be put back together. I recommend that each of you not end up as such a chud like me. Befriend one another, find your people, and do not let them go. Friendship is a beautiful thing, and you'd be lucky to have it in your grasp. Never take it for granted. Thank you for watching. Take care.