Why Avoidants Disappear After a Great Date (Fearful vs. Dismissive)

You have an amazing weekend together, everything feels incredibly close. Then Monday hits and with it, radio silence. The internet will tell you they just "hit their capacity for intimacy," but that framing is misleading and romanticizes a nervous system threat response. In this video, we break down exactly what happens when an avoidant deactivates and why Fearful Avoidants (FA) and Dismissive Avoidants (DA) pull away for completely different reasons. What we cover in this video: 00:00 - Why avoidants disappear after a great date 00:43 - The myth of the "capacity for intimacy" 02:24 - Deactivation: Why their nervous system treats closeness as a threat 04:25 - The core difference between Fearful vs. Dismissive Avoidants 07:29 - Do they actually miss you when they go silent? (FA vs. DA internal experience) 13:40 - How to spot the difference based on how they return to you 16:41 - What you should do when they pull away (and why you shouldn't chase) 19:10 - Exactly what happens when you stop chasing an FA vs. a DA 22:18 - How to set secure boundaries and stop accommodating their patterns About the Channel: Welcome to Therapist Off the Clock! I'm Genevieve. I'm a therapist specializing in attachment and neurodivergence issues in relationships. I used to be a fearful avoidant myself, and I also have a lot of avoidant friends in my life, and I've spent thousands of hours sitting across from avoidant clients. So I've seen this from every angle, If this video helped you understand your situation, make sure to subscribe and leave a comment below letting me know what attachment topic you want me to break down next.