I Thought Being Needed Meant I Was Loved

Have you ever wondered who you are when the people you love don’t need you quite as much anymore? ❤️ If you’ve spent years being the helper, the fixer, the caregiver, or the person everyone counts on, pull up a chair—this conversation might feel familiar. For most of my adult life, somebody has needed something from me. Six kids. Students. Family. Friends. Work. There was always a problem to solve, somewhere to be, something to fix, or someone calling, “Mom!” And somewhere along the way, I think I started confusing being needed with being loved. In today’s video, I Thought Being Needed Meant I Was Loved, I’m talking about what happens when our roles begin to change. Our kids grow up. Careers change. People become more independent. And suddenly, the very thing we worked so hard to accomplish can leave us wondering: If they don’t need me anymore, do I still matter? I’m beginning to realize there’s an important difference between being useful to someone and being loved by them. Maybe our grown children can love us without needing us to solve their problems. Maybe our friends can want us around even when they don’t need advice. Maybe we don’t always have to earn our place in someone’s life by fixing, helping, organizing, or taking care of everything. And maybe being wanted when we aren’t needed is one of the loveliest kinds of love. I’m a 63-year-old teacher, mom of six (four adopted), divorced, and navigating autoimmune disease, weight struggles, changing roles, grown children, and all the unexpected transitions that come with this season of life. Here at Coffee, Chaos and Grace, I’m not pretending to have it all figured out. I’m simply sharing what I’m learning and hoping we can figure some of it out together. If you’ve ever tied your sense of worth to how much other people needed you, I’d love to hear your story. Like this video, subscribe to Coffee, Chaos and Grace, and tell me in the comments: Who are you when nobody needs anything from you? I’m still going to help the people I love. I’m probably still going to give advice nobody asked for occasionally. 😂 But I’m learning something important: I don’t have to be needed to be loved. Thanks for pulling up a chair. There’s always room for one more at our coffee table. ☕ #EmptyNest #FindingYourself #CoffeeChaosAndGrace