My shadow keeps me down

I wake up on an unstable floor Walls are breathing through the bedroom door Vertigo crawling underneath my skin I can’t tell where I end or begin Everything feels like anesthesia Numb enough to make me disappear But somewhere underneath the static I feel you whisper, “I’m still here.” When my body says, fall When my mind says, run When I can’t feel anything You become the ground You’re my shadow when I’m losing balance My gravity when I can’t stand When the world starts spinning sideways You reach out and take my hand I’m unsturdy I’m undone I’m floating somewhere between nowhere and numb But even when I can’t find solid ground You’re my shadow keeping me down I don’t know if I’m awake or dreaming My reflection doesn’t look like me Every heartbeat feels disconnected Like I’m drowning underneath the sea Anesthesia in my veins Silence screaming through my brain I keep slipping through myself But you pull me back again When my body says, fall When my mind says, run When I become a stranger You remind me who I’ve become You’re my shadow when I’m losing balance My gravity when I can’t stand When the world starts spinning sideways You reach out and take my hand I’m unsturdy I’m undone I’m floating somewhere between nowhere and numb But even when I can’t find solid ground You’re my shadow keeping me down LET ME FALL— I won’t. LET ME DISAPPEAR— I won’t. LET THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD SPIN— I won’t let you go. The floor is gone. The sky is bending. My senses lie. But you’re still standing. Maybe you aren’t here to save me Maybe you’re here to remind me That even shadows need a body And even broken things have gravity You’re my shadow when I’m losing balance My gravity when I can’t stand When the world turns into vertigo You pull me back into my hands I’m unsturdy I’m undone But I don’t have to outrun what I’ve become If everything beneath me gives out You’re my shadow keeping me down When I can’t feel the earth… I feel you. When everything goes numb… I feel you. When I disappear inside myself… Your shadow finds me. And keeps me here.