What Happens When Two Avoidants Fall in Love | Relationship Psychology Explained

Everyone said it could not work. Two avoidant people in the same relationship. Two people wired to pull back, protect themselves, and disappear the moment things get close. And then Carly and Mel proved everyone wrong. Adam Lane Smith sits down with couple Carly Randall and Mel Shingleton, two self-proclaimed avoidants, for a live coaching session that answers the question everyone in the comments has been asking: can two avoidant people actually build something real together? 🚨 My biggest coaching sale of the year is on and you can save 30% on coaching. Apply Here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/priv... 📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/atta... In this episode you will learn: 1- Why two avoidant people create a specific kind of relationship dynamic that looks fine on the surface and quietly starves underneath 2- Why avoidant people are not afraid of commitment they are afraid of the cost of being truly known 3- What emotional permanence is and why avoidant people struggle to hold onto the relationship when the other person is not in the room 4- Why the avoidant nervous system spikes when intimacy grows instead of relaxing into it 5- What context is and why it is the single most important currency two avoidant people have with each other 6- Why quarterly relationship check ins work better for avoidant couples than constant emotional processing 7- What it actually looks like when two avoidant people start doing the work in real time 8- The one thing avoidant partners need to say to each other that most of them never say Connect with me on your second preferred platform: 📸 Instagram:   / attachmentadam   🎵 TikTok:   / attachmentbro   𝕏:   / adamlanesmith   📘 Facebook:   / adamlanesmith   🧵 Threads: https://www.threads.com/@attachmentadam Mel Shingleton is a leader, mentor, and entrepreneur dedicated to developing people and helping them build lives they’re proud of. Over the course of his career, he has personally developed more than 1,000 people, helping many grow into top producers, leaders, and entrepreneurs of their own. Carly Randall is an entrepreneur, business strategist, and founder growth partner who helps businesses turn big ideas into scalable, profitable companies. As a business owner and mom of two, Carly brings a unique perspective to building ambitious businesses without losing sight of the life you’re building alongside them. www.melshingleton.com www.carlyrandall.com Chapters: 00:00:00 Introduction: Can Two Avoidant People Make It Work? 00:01:48 How They Met, and Living Between Two Cities 00:05:02 The Crash That Hits Hours After Saying Goodbye 00:12:37 Why the Drop-Off Is So Sharp, and Where Else to Get Connection 00:20:12 Solo Solving, and Front-Loading Context Before You Ask 00:29:38 Shutdown, and the Daily Check-Ins That Backfire 00:39:37 Emotional Impermanence and the Fail Conditions Conversation 00:44:45 Character-Based Trust, and the Status Report 00:59:04 Her Kids, and What He Needs in Return 01:06:35 Mel's Childhood, and What to Say on the Worst Day