When Being Right Stops Being Useful | How to Reduce Conflict During Separation

Being right doesn't always mean you're getting the outcome you want. During separation, it's easy to keep track of every missed call, late handover, unanswered message, and broken agreement. You might have all the facts on your side, but does proving your point actually solve the problem? In this video, Thad Hollis, Divorce Coach and Mediator, explores what happens when the need to be right starts getting in the way of useful conversations. Using a real-world example involving separated parents, Thad explains how presenting pages of evidence can make the other person defensive rather than encourage them to listen. He shares why curiosity, clear communication, and asking the right questions can sometimes achieve more than winning an argument. He also introduces three useful questions to ask before responding to a difficult message: Is it true? Is it good? Is it helpful? Whether you're navigating separation, co-parenting disagreements, or another difficult relationship, the goal isn't to win every argument. It's to work out what you're actually trying to achieve and choose a response that helps you get there. Sometimes, being right is less important than finding a better way forward. Chapters 00:00 Introduction 00:55 When Being Right Stops Being Useful 01:27 When the Facts Matter 01:54 The Problem With Keeping a Dossier 03:18 Does Proving You're Right Change Anything? 04:03 Try Curiosity Instead of Accusation 04:57 The Need to Be Right 05:22 Are You Winning the Argument or Losing the Outcome? 06:26 What Are You Really Trying to Achieve? 07:02 The Need to Be Heard and Acknowledged 08:30 When Winning Feels Hollow 09:15 What Happens When the Other Person Stops Listening? 10:20 Why Accusations Create Defensiveness 11:23 What Changes When You Listen and Ask Questions? 12:29 Responding to Difficult Messages 12:51 Three Questions Before You Reply 13:36 Is Your Response Actually Helpful? 14:14 Keep Communication Clear and Direct 14:49 What Are You Trying to Achieve? 15:32 Conflict Is Inevitable, Combat Is Optional 16:20 You Don't Need to List Everything They've Done Wrong 17:16 Pause Before Responding 17:29 Would You Rather Be Right or Be at Peace? 18:07 Putting Ego Aside 19:01 Diplomacy Without Giving Up Your Principles 19:48 When Facts Really Do Matter 20:27 Offer a Solution Instead of Starting a Fight 20:48 What Other People Think of You 21:44 Allow the Other Person to Be Who They Are 21:58 Being Right Isn't Always Useful 22:24 Speak About How You Feel Without Listing Every Fault 22:45 Treat Each Other With Dignity and Respect 23:21 Final Thoughts: Don't Let Ego Get in the Way 24:21 Don't Get Mad. Talk to Thad. Work With Thad Going through separation or struggling with ongoing conflict? Thad offers a complimentary 30-minute conversation to discuss your situation and explore what support might help. 📅 Book a complimentary conversation: https://calendly.com/thadhollis/30min 🌐 Better Outcomes Coaching & Mediation: https://www.betteroutcomes.au 📧 admin@betteroutcomes.au #ConflictResolution #Separation #CoParenting #DivorceCoaching #DifficultConversations