The Mistake Managers Make in Difficult Conversations (And How to Avoid It)

Before you start a difficult conversation about performance, have you considered confidence? Someone on your team may still have the ability to do their job, while struggling to believe in themselves. If you approach the conversation with blame or assumptions, you could miss what’s really happening. In this episode of Bite-Sized Brilliance, I’m joined by Nina Ketel to explore the mistake managers make in difficult conversations and how leading with curiosity can change the discussion. 🎙️ Meet Nina Ketel Nina is a confidence and rebuilding coach, a former local authority team leader of 13 years, and the author of the forthcoming memoir The £30,000 Lesson: What I Wish I Knew Before My Divorce. She brings experience from both sides: managing a team herself and supporting people rebuilding their confidence after redundancy, divorce, illness, or returning to work after raising a family. Our conversation looks at what it means to lead the person, not just manage their performance. 💬 A different starting point for difficult conversations We explore how to ask better questions, understand the person’s circumstances, and resist the pressure to have every answer. You’ll hear us discuss: • What Nina wishes someone had told her when she became a manager. • Why people don’t leave their personal lives at the workplace door. • The biggest mistake managers make when a conversation gets difficult. • How curiosity offers a more useful starting point than blame and judgment. • Why Nina believes confidence is buried rather than lost. • How managers can recognise hidden talent and support people’s development. • Why great managers want their team members to progress beyond them. We also talk about Nina’s What’s Next programme, which supports women rebuilding their confidence, and the role of neurodiversity in recognising people’s strengths at work. If you’re preparing to give feedback, concerned about someone’s performance, or rebuilding your own confidence, this conversation offers a thoughtful place to start. ⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Welcome & Introducing Nina Ketel 2:00 Nina's Memoir: The £30,000 Lesson 5:00 What No One Tells You About Managing People 8:00 People Haven't Lost Their Ability — They've Lost Their Confidence 12:00 Blame & Judgment vs. Curiosity: A Smarter Way to Lead 14:00 Begin with the Person, Not the Performance 17:00 How to Ask Better Questions (Instead of Having All the Answers) 20:00 What Makes a Manager Worth Following 21:00 Inside the "What's Next" Programme 24:00 Neurodiversity & Hidden Talent in the Workplace 27:00 Nina's Three Takeaways: Lead the Person First 🔗 Continue the conversation Connect with Nina Ketel:   / nina-ketel-957137192   Follow Nicola Richardson on LinkedIn:   / nicola-richardson-thepeoplementor   Explore more articles, podcast episodes, and support with difficult conversations and people management: https://www.thepeoplementor.co.uk What helps you approach a difficult conversation with curiosity? Share your experience in the comments. Subscribe to The People Mentor for more episodes of Bite-Sized Brilliance and practical conversations about managing people. #DifficultConversations #PeopleManagement #ManagerMistakes #ConfidenceAtWork #LeadershipSkills #GivingFeedback #ManagementTips